Come as you are.

“Come as you are, as you were, as I want you to be. As a friend, as an old enemy.

Take your time, hurry up, choice is yours, don’t be late. Take a rest, as a friend.

Come doused in mud, soaked in bleach, as I want you to be, as a trend, as a friend!”

To be honest I am not completely sure what Kurt Cobain was writing about, but it is still a phenomenal song and one of Nirvanas greatest. I wonder whether Kurt is teaching us all something about evangelism, about welcome, about how we treat anyone that comes across our path or through our doors! There is a sense of raw welcome here, no matter who you are, what you are carrying, what the world may label you with, all are welcome; come as you are!

The reason I am thinking about this is because I am taking some time to consider what is at the very core of my youth ministry calling. What is it I am made to do, and long to do, more than anything else? What is my ‘why’, my reason to get out of bed in the morning, what is my ‘ikigai’, as the residents of Okinawa, Japan call it?

I’ve thought about it, I’ve asked some trusted friends and I’ve sat with God and prayed about it. I have come to the conclusion that I am a ‘gatherer’, not a ‘hunter-gatherer’, that is something very different and I feel I couldn’t grow a beard to justify the title. I love to gather people, in different spaces, varied spaces. I love to gather bigger groups, gather smaller groups, gather intentionally and gather away from the everyday.

I wonder, what would a room or gathering need to look like for you to enter with confidence, and feel welcomed? What would you answer be? I threw this question out to some friends and got some significant and insightful answers. They said the gathering needs these things: “someone who knows your name”, “someone needs to be there to welcome you in, otherwise it can be difficult to break into a clique”, “knowing what the gathering entails, a clear purpose of the space”, “food is never going to go wrong”, “an invitation, even to the most general meeting, helps me come in with a heck of a lot more confidence”, “someone to welcome and point you in the direction of the snacks”, “having a variety of seating areas”, “knowing what is going to happen during the time in the space”, and “finding a quiet space within a larger gathering is essential and helpful.”

I’m thinking that the spaces we create is a bit like buying a home; when you first get the house you clear away the old stuff, you redecorate how you’d like it, you lay the rooms out in a way that best serves your family and then you allow the space to become a home. As we create spaces and gather, the relationships, the welcome and the feeling of being safe won’t come straight away. People need time to get used to the space, feeling welcomed time and time again, discovering it is a place of reality and honesty, eventually being able to choose to call it home. I have learnt that when creating these spaces you need to be willing to commit long term, a bit like when you buy a home. These spaces and gatherings need consistency, regularity and an attention to welcome that far outweighs any other energy put into the space. It doesn’t matter how great the food is or how comfy the sofas are if the doors are too narrow or restrictive for anyone to get in. Taking time to think about who is the first face they see, what are the first words they hear.

The other piece of my ministry I think is linked to this idea of gathering, is when we take people away on residentials. I love it and we have taken away every age group from 7 year olds right up to adult leaders. This year in March we took away 23 kids aged 7-10, as you can imagine it involved a military-style operation and a group of patient, energetic and joyful leaders who are capable of surviving on minimal sleep! A day after the trip I received a text from a parent which went something like this: “our child made such good friends, she was sad to leave them. She went up to her room, wrote down the names of everyone she made friends with on the weekend, to make sure she didn’t forget them!’ The space enabled friendship to be formed easily, the welcome, the time spent building relationships, the willingness and commitment of leaders and the ‘come as you are’ attitude of all involved. I can only hope every trip we run has this sort of impact.

Over the last year we have been building a monthly gathering with youth groups across the area. It has been a real learning curve as we have tried to create a space and gather a hugely diverse bunch of young people, diverse in age, energy, willingness and also where they are on their faith journey. Between September 2022 and June 2023 we have gathered every month and have tried to have a incredibly consistent team during this journey – essential for this to work well and become a space where people recognise the leaders, and are recognised by the leaders! I would say that we have moved through a sense of the young people being ‘guarded’, ‘curious’, ‘playful’, ‘invested’, ‘thankful’, the ‘house’ is being laid out to be a home and the welcome is clear.

I’m reflecting on the spaces Jesus created around him and the “welcome” he made a priority. Zaccheaus, the woman at the well, the woman caught in adultery, the paralytic, the thief on the cross, the ‘little children’, the lepers and the blind. There was always a ‘come as you are’ attitude with Jesus, (well unless maybe you were a hypocritical Pharisee!). There was no one who could not approach him and be loved and welcomed. This is how we are called to be.

May the words of Kurt Cobain shape us and resonate through us as we welcome and say to all who enter the spaces we create; come as you are!